Good Vibrations

Arguably the hardest year of my life will begin in 9 days. First year of medical school—it feels weird writing it. This has been what I’ve been going after for the past 7 years, and it all seems to have happened in the blink of an eye.
The feeling I have is a strange one. I’ve achieved a huge life goal of mine, and the sense of accomplishment is great; but at the same time I have this sense of uncertainty about what lies ahead in this next year. I have my doubts, but this is normal and somewhat useful for me. I’m a bit scared of the uncertainty, but there is beauty in the mysterious. The joy, the excitement, the anxiety, the fear all mix together into this strange guttural feeling… BUT these are simply superficial.

Today I volunteered at the Jackson Free Clinic, and after seeing the first patient, all of my previous feelings towards school melted away and were replaced by the joy of knowing that I’m where I belong. Happiness vibrates at our core.


The past week that I’ve been full-time in Jackson, I have spent relaxing, meeting people, and just preparing myself mentally for first year. It did not take any time at all to get used to living alone—I love it. I go out and meet people and hang out, but when I come home, I come home to my house- my space. Jackson is pretty great city so far. I like the number of people a lot. I feel comfortable among the crowds.

As I said, my summer has been one of relaxing. At the beginning I stayed around Lucedale with my family there because I know that I won’t have many opportunities to spend quality family time with them this year. In July, I drove with Bryan Estill and Reese Lott down to the Florida Keys, specifically Islamorada. It was a trip that was simple and well worth it. I really enjoy driving, and this trip delivered on the driving part. A great trip with great friends.

Life is hurtling forward, and I’ve never felt better.

Limbo- No pasa nada.

Coming back to Mississippi has been interesting. There literally isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of my Erasmus Year. I'm ready to graduate and move on to the next chapter of my life and take the next turn that leads me further down the road of life.

The medical school application process has been a long drawn out ride, and I am not yet done with it. I am an alternate at the University of Mississippi Medical School. I have been told I stand a good chance of getting into this class, but I feel like they are just dangling a piece of meat in front of me, and I'm a starving wild animal-starving to begin my medical career- to accomplish my dream. I was told to wait until March or May because during this time, people start making their decisions about whether or not they will go to this school.

Limbo is an interesting place to be. I'm not definitively in next year's Medical School Class at UMMC, but I am also not out. I am waiting. Biding my time until somebody gets an offer to a more "appealing" medical school. I have never been a fan of waiting. I hate being out of control of situations. When I went for Alternate Counseling at UMMC, the Associate Dean of Admissions told me that I was "compulsive," but I don't believe she meant this in a negative way. I've always known that I am a bit compulsive but hearing someone who knows me better than many of my closest friends and family (if you want to get to know someone like a brother, read his or her national application to medical schools) really solidified this. I am supposed to sit back now and just wait. I had to apply for financial aid to Medical School, and I am supposed to look into housing and put my name on waiting lists for apartments- it all seems like some sick joke, but I've been equipped to deal with this.

It's like my entire last year was preparing me mentally for this waiting game that has been my application to medical school. The constant chant of the students in the Erasmus Exchange was resoundingly no pasa nada- It's all ok, don't worry about it. That was something that I have been striving to say with conviction for a long time, and Spain really taught me that. Delayed flights, lost luggage, late meetings, failed exams, and the knowledge of departure of some of your closest friends. The only way to process this was to take on the motto of no pasa nada, and we did. We did it, and we lived by it.

Being back in the United States, even though it is the South, has made this mantra more difficult to live by. I really have to work more at it because it seems that our culture sucks the life out of any phrase like that. I think we're taught that not being in control or not knowing exactly what our plan of action is has been drilled into us as a negative quality or a sign of weakness. I'm here to say this isn't the case. Thriving in the times where things aren't perfectly clear is really an art form- a balancing act.

Learn to thrive in the unknown. It's really the mysterious things in life that are the most beautiful, and right now life is beautiful: I feel like I'm leaning back in my chair about to tip over backwards, but I love the feeling.
No pasa nada.

That reminds me of that time

I´m almost done with my year- I´m getting pretty homesick because it´s always on my mine, but I´m in a funk because I have to leave these amazing guys and this wonderful place.

Things that will remind me forever of my Erasmus year:

-I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas
-any song with an Electronic beat (it´ll remind me mostly of Germany)
-Chorizo
-Hard Baguettes
-Any hot weather that is strong enough to take your breath away
-wine
-people shouting
-Compact cars
-Cafés
-Communists (not because the Spanish are, but because we lived in a commune)
-Not Studying
-Clapping
-Public Transportation
-Beer Pong
-The sky

“Man. Probably the most mysterious creature on our planet. A mystery of questions without answers. Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going? How do we know what we think we know? Why do we believe at all? Countless questions without answers in search of an answer. An answer that will give rise to a new question. And the next answer will give rise to another question so on and so on. But in the end, isn't it always the same question? And the same answer? The ball is round, the game lasta 90 minutes. That is a fact. Everything else is pure theory."
- From Lola Rennt