Coming back to Mississippi has been interesting. There literally isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of my Erasmus Year. I'm ready to graduate and move on to the next chapter of my life and take the next turn that leads me further down the road of life.
The medical school application process has been a long drawn out ride, and I am not yet done with it. I am an alternate at the University of Mississippi Medical School. I have been told I stand a good chance of getting into this class, but I feel like they are just dangling a piece of meat in front of me, and I'm a starving wild animal-starving to begin my medical career- to accomplish my dream. I was told to wait until March or May because during this time, people start making their decisions about whether or not they will go to this school.
Limbo is an interesting place to be. I'm not definitively in next year's Medical School Class at UMMC, but I am also not out. I am waiting. Biding my time until somebody gets an offer to a more "appealing" medical school. I have never been a fan of waiting. I hate being out of control of situations. When I went for Alternate Counseling at UMMC, the Associate Dean of Admissions told me that I was "compulsive," but I don't believe she meant this in a negative way. I've always known that I am a bit compulsive but hearing someone who knows me better than many of my closest friends and family (if you want to get to know someone like a brother, read his or her national application to medical schools) really solidified this. I am supposed to sit back now and just wait. I had to apply for financial aid to Medical School, and I am supposed to look into housing and put my name on waiting lists for apartments- it all seems like some sick joke, but I've been equipped to deal with this.
It's like my entire last year was preparing me mentally for this waiting game that has been my application to medical school. The constant chant of the students in the Erasmus Exchange was resoundingly no pasa nada- It's all ok, don't worry about it. That was something that I have been striving to say with conviction for a long time, and Spain really taught me that. Delayed flights, lost luggage, late meetings, failed exams, and the knowledge of departure of some of your closest friends. The only way to process this was to take on the motto of no pasa nada, and we did. We did it, and we lived by it.
Being back in the United States, even though it is the South, has made this mantra more difficult to live by. I really have to work more at it because it seems that our culture sucks the life out of any phrase like that. I think we're taught that not being in control or not knowing exactly what our plan of action is has been drilled into us as a negative quality or a sign of weakness. I'm here to say this isn't the case. Thriving in the times where things aren't perfectly clear is really an art form- a balancing act.
Learn to thrive in the unknown. It's really the mysterious things in life that are the most beautiful, and right now life is beautiful: I feel like I'm leaning back in my chair about to tip over backwards, but I love the feeling.
No pasa nada.
